Kelly, Cripple, Brain, and a Couch
by theater104
Summary: WRITTEN BY INK. Crutchie knows when Jack wakes him up at 11 am on a Saturday, something very bad is about to happen. Especially when it involves trying to put a couch in the penthouse, Romeo and milkshakes. Modern AU.


**So I have had this plot bunny in my head for a while. I was at Vi's house and her sister was on a dress up website. We saw a newsies cap, one thing led to another, and this popped up. All because of a dress up website. Yeah, my life is weird. So three days of writing and 2000 words later, here it is. Thank heavens for snow days. **

**Disclaimer: If I owned Newsies, it would still be on Broadway. Simple as that. **

* * *

" Crutchie, hey Crutch. Get up." Crutchie cracked one eye open to see the excited face of his best friend. His dark brown eyes sparkled with excitement. " Come see what I found!" Jack said, jumping on the bed.

" Jack, whateva' it is, it can wait a few more hours." Cutchie responded, rolling over onto his side, closing his eyes, hoping that Jack would leave him to sleep.

" No it can't!" Jack shouted. " Just get yourself dressed and downstairs now!" Crutchie groaned. he knew Jack wasn't going to leave him alone anytime soon.

" Just git out and I will be down soon." Crutchie grumbled, still angry about being woken up. "and youse better have a cup of coffee ready for me." Jack bounced down the stairs, hopefully to make Crutchie his cup of coffee. Crutchie waited until he could no longer hear the sounds of Jack lumbering down the stairs before beginning the daily chore of getting up and ready for the day.

After finishing the long and tedious process of getting dress with a gimp leg, Crutchie began the long and treacherous work of getting down the stairs. Taking each step one by one, he grumbled about the lack of a elevator in their New York apartment.

" Crutch, you done yet?" Jack called from the kitchen below.

" On the stairs!" He responded, stopping to catch his breath. He hurried down the rest of the stairs, eagerly awaiting his cup of coffee. What he found, was not a cup of coffee. it was Jack, sitting at the counter and chatting with a distraught Katherine.

" But what if he doesn't like it? It's not a normal topic… He's just so.. eugh!" Katherine ranted while Jack sat and nodded patiently.

" You need to calm down Ace! I am sure he will love anything you write." Jack responded, sliding a cup of coffee over to Crutchie who quietly took a seat at the small table.

" Hullo Ms. Katherine." Crutchie said as he savored a sip of his pure black coffee. Katherine scrunched her nose up.

" Hello Crutchie. I don't know how you drink that stuff. You do know rainforests are chopped down so people can grow those hideous beans?" Katherine informed him as she glared at the mug like it was the source of all the problems in her life.

" Yes ma'am. Don't you have an article to write?" Katherine swore loudly, pushing her chair away from the table and rushing out the door. " Bye Jack! Later Crutchie!" Jack stared after her with a lovesick look on his face. Crutchie slapped the back of his head.

" I swear, youse turning into Romeo." Crutchie teased his friend. " Now why did you get me up at this ungodly hour?"

" Crutchie, it's 11." Jack deadpanned. " You get up at five thirty on a school day."

" Exactly why I need to sleep in on weekends." Crutchie responded. " Now why again do you need me."

" I found" Jack paused for dramatic effect. " A couch." Crutchie glanced to their cramped living room where a blue IKEA couch sat covered in chips and video games from when the boys had last come over.

" Jack, look into the living room." Jacks head turned. " Tell me what you see."

" A couch covered in junk."

" Now where would we put this supposed new couch of yours?" Crutchie said, gesturing to the small apartment.

" In the penthouse of course!" Jack said, as if the answer was obvious. Crutchie rolled his eyes.

" Jack, the penthouse is a roof." Jack nodded. " It's not ours." Jack nodded again. " We live in a 14 story apartment building in the middle of New York without a elevator large enough to hold any couch." Jack considered this before responding.

" Well, then we carry it up the stairs!" Jack said, practically bouncing with excitement. Crutchie facepalmed.

" Jack, I don't know what world youse live in, but I'm a cripple." Crutchie deadpanned, gesturing to his gimp leg. Jack nodded slowly. " Do you know what that means? That means Ise can't help you carry your couch up the stairs!"

" So?"

" Jack, I hate to break it to you, but you're an artist, not an athlete." Crutchie patted Jack on the shoulder.

" I can do it!" Jack protested. " Don't you want a couch up there? So you don't have to stand?"

" What happens if it rains?" Crutchie wondered.

" To hell with rain! Are youse going to help or not?" Jack said, waving his arms around.

" Fine as long as you don't knock me out with your arms." Jack jumped up and hugged Crutchie tightly. " You know I can't help you if I can't breathe right?"

* * *

" Jack, are you sure you don't want me to call the boys?" Crutchie asked from the first floor landing. Jack grunted in response. " Jack, you've been pushing that thing for 15 minutes and you haven't even reached the first landing." Jack paused to wipe his brow and the couch slid down immediately, taking Jack with it. Jack swore loudly, and Crutchie slowly backed out of the stairway. He took his phone and texted Davey.

_11:34_

_Hey Dave, can you get the boys over here? _

_11:37_

_Sure, Why? _

Crutchie snapped a picture of Jack and the couch, who were now halfway to the landing Crutchie was standing on.

_11:38_

_Oh dear, sure we will be right over. _

Crutchie grinned and slipped his phone back into his pocket, resuming watching Jack try to push the tan monstrosity up the stairs. All was silent except for the sound of Jack breathing and the couch scraping against the cement stairs. Until Crutchie heard the tell tale signs of a door being opened and he leaned over the banister to see what was going on.

" Jack?" a feminine voice asked. Crutchie looked in the direction of the voice to see Sniper and Specs, each holding a milkshake, and Race trailing behind them, Cigar stuck in his mouth, and a soda in hand. " What exactly are you doing?" Jack turned his head, causing the sofa to slide back down, shoving Jack into Race , who promptly dropped his cigar and soda.

" Damnnit Jack!I lost my cigar and now I am covered in soda. Ew." Race complained.

" and that was my sofa, almost to the landing." Jack quipped.

" Hey fellas. And uh, Sniper." Crutchie called down from the landing, directing Race attention from his cigar. " And it's a no smoking building anyway." Race cursed.

" Why can't you guys live in a nice, comfy building that will let me smoke my god damn cigar?" Race complained.

" Cause there ain't any!" Jack shouted, dropping the couch once more. " Now be a dear and give me a hand?"

" No can do Jackie- boy! I got to go see Smalls. She's in the middle of a crisis." Sniper said, pushing past the couch and slipping up the stairs.

" Why are youse on the stairs then?" Crutchie asked as she passed him.

" The elevators broken." Sniper replied, and a feeling of dread built up inside Crutchie. Their apartment was on the thirteenth floor. There was no way Crutchie could climb that many sets of stairs with his leg the way it was. Before he could dwell on that to much, the door behind him opened revealing a out of breath Davey and a excited Les.

" We came- as soon. As we. Could!" Davey puffed.

" and we called Buttons, and Romeo, and Jojo, and Finch, and Henry and Elmer and-" Les exclaimed, bouncing.

" What did youse give him?" Race said, incredulous.

" I had a sluppee!" Les exclaimed, as him and David rushed down to help Jack. Race and Specs rushed over as soon as the couch started slipping, but Race ended up tripping Specs.

" Ow ow ow!" Specs screamed. He had landed face first on the first step. Jack and David let go of the couch to help him, leaving Les to hold the couch up on his own. He stayed there as long as he could, but eventually his skinny little arms couldn't hold on anymore. crutchie closed his eyes as the couch and Les slid to the ground, crushing Specs even more. Crutchie opened his eyes to find Jack and David stuck under the couch with Specs, Race laying under Les, and Specs glasses lying completely broken on the third step. Jack and David pushed the couch of them, while Race shoved Les away from him, screaming about how he didn't want ' to catch the sugar high'. Specs stood up, only to promptly fall down seconds later. David escorted Specs and his broken specs to the lobby, while Race mumbled about ' Little boy cooties'. Crutchie sighed. This was going to be a long day.

* * *

When Davey came back, he was Specsless, but came bearing Mcdonalds and a army of crazy teenaged boys.

" Hey, Did youse get me a new soda?" Race said, forgetting about his job pushing the couch as he made his way, completely soaking, to the bag of fried goodness. Elmer and Finch rushed to take his place, but the damage was done. The couch slipped to the bottom, for the seventh time.

" Hand me my milkshake Romeo, this is going to be a long day." Jojo said, reaching out a hand for his milkshake. " Cheers." He and Romeo clinked glasses, or in this case, un biodegradable styrofoam cups.

" Hey don't drink from those." Jack said as he rubbed his head where Les had kicked it trying to stop the couch from falling. " Do you know what they do to the environment?"

" Your lady is rubbing off on you Jack." Romeo said as he slurped from his milkshake.

" Hey can I have a sip? Can I? Can I?" Les said, quickly recovering from his fall.

" No!" David, Jack and Crutchie screamed.

" No more sugar for you Les. Mom wouldn't like it." David said, ruffling his little brothers hair.

" Aw, let the kid live a little!" Said Finch as he sipped from his own soda. " It's not like hes doing drugs."

" And thats what it will turn into if he keeps hanging out with you." Elmer said, rubbing his arm as he had taken the brunt of the fall. He tried to flex his arm and ended up screaming.

" Whats wrong?" Buttons asked.

" My arm." Elmer said, cradling it.

" I think youse broken it." Romeo said, slipping from his milkshake.

" Youse think Romeo?" Elmer shouted.

" Okay, Buttons, Mush, you take Elmer here to the hospital." David commanded. They two boys nodded and carried elmer ot.

" And bring me more milkshakes!" Jojo called after them.

" Me too!" Romeo added.

" MOOOOOOO!" Les screamed, pointing to the figure on the side of the milkshake cup.

" Moo?" Crutchie asked.

" Moo." Romeo nodded solemnly.

" Moo, moo." Jojo added. Jack groaned.

" I am never giving you any sugar ever again."

* * *

" Listen up!" David commanded. " First of all, if you have had any sugar, and/or am covered in it" He glared at Race who was staring solemnly at the cigar he knew he could not light. " Go sit over there, against the wall." Jojo and Romeo carried their tray of milkshakes over to the designated corner, mooing all the way. Les skipped over to join them, seemingly mooing the tune of mary had a little lamb. Race joined them, grumbling about the unfairness of no smoking laws. The only sane, capable people left were Henry, Jack, David and Albert. " Okay, Albert and Henry, you pull. Me and Jack will push." They took their positions and began the long journey to the first landing. Crutchie directed them, and eventually, they made it. Jack and David flopped down on the couch, and Elmer and henry jumped up and down, cheering " We did it!" Their excited scream was greeted with a chorus of mooing.

"Great job guys!" Crutchie cheered, high fiving Henry. " Only 13 more floors to go!"

* * *

" Well that was a mess." Crutchie said, reclining on the newly installed couch, Jack sitting on the other end.

" Yep."

" I can't believe Jojo and Romeo drank seven milkshakes. Each."

" Yep."

" We went to Mcdonalds nine times."

" Yep."

" Specs needs new glasses."

" Yep."

" Elmer broke his arm."

"Yep."

" Lets never do this again."

" Agreed."

" Now what do we do if it rains?"


End file.
